Five things that trip me up in my post baby life

Here is my post from HerFamily.ie last week – holliers tripped me up so I never got to post it here. Hope you enjoy it!

You are not supposed to dislike anything about post bubba arrival. Everything is supposed to be rosier, happier, more fulfilling & worthwhile. There is supposed to be an imaginary line drawn right through the middle of this section of your life with everything post baby being simply a momentary burden worth experiencing in order to develop & grow into a wiser, richer (not in the monetary sense – quite the opposite happens there as we are aware!) & more rounded adult. Otherwise known as a parent.

But seriously……who actually actually experiences all of that all the time? Yes, there are moments but come on, let’s be honest here. While there is an infinite amount to be thankful & grateful for and while none of us would even for a moment consider having it any other way such is our love for our families, the truth is that there are a few things that we are allowed question. about our post baby lives.

They are, in my opinion:

Trampolines – even the mere mention of them makes me kinda want to wee. I literally sit with my legs crossed when watching the kids bounce higher & higher on it, banishing all sorts of obvious thoughts to the back of my mind. Accident waiting to happen. Mums know. And not the A&E broken arm kinda accident. Noooooo…..I mean the other one.
Pelvic floor exercises – again, first thoughts here are wee related. Has anyone out there actually ever done these religiously without actually dying of boredom? And the sad thing is that they are so hugely important that we daren’t ignore them….much as we are tempted to. I’ll bet you are doing a few here as you read this! Yes indeed, a well-known fact amongst women is that we tend to only do them when someone actually starts to talk about them. And then only so,in the same fashion in which I studied for my university finals and leaving cert – ie cramming. “oh I’ll bash out a couple hundred there whilst no one knows any difference and then shur I’ll be up to speed again for the next 6 months”
Stuff I swore I’d never say – Ever hear the saying “sometimes I open my mouth & my mother pops out”. Well I am that saying personified. I don’t plan it….it just kinda happens, naturally. “How do you know you don’t like it, when you haven’t tasted it?” “Put in a coat….you’ll catch your death of cold otherwise!” “Do you think we are made of money.” The list is endless!
The sleeping situation – any parent could write a book on this particular point. Let’s take last night for instance. Hubster was was away and when boychild (all 18 months of him) decided he was decamping to our bed, I built my usual fortress of cushions and pillows on hubsters side of the bed to prevent any falls. I settled him into the middle of the bed and closed my eyes. What ensued was 3 hours of torture resulting in me clinging for dear life to mere inch of the 6ft foot bed I held into whilst 3rd born slept perpendicular to me – the perfect 90 degree angle – across the bed. That was when he wasn’t sitting on my head in order to get a better position. Now there is only one thing worse than being suffocated at 4.35am and that is being suffocated by a nappy full of wee at 4.35am. Pressed right up against my face. Hazard. I eventually tossed in the towel just before 6am when I felt a wet patch & in panic hopped up thinking that damn nappy had leaked. But he had simply managed to disperse the entire contents of a packet of wipes sporadically around the bed unbeknownst to me. And there was me thinking I hadn’t slept at all. Again. Last night.
The inside of my car – I am the woman that the valet services hide from. I’m sure they see me coming and block book their available slots to deter me. There are some days when I feel like I’m cruising about in the city dump. No matter how I try to empty the thing out as I go I still never fail to find half the toy room, half the wardrobes of my children and the entire kitchen bin spread throughout. 2nd born has a blankie called “Rabba” (who incidentally is a rabbit – very creative on the name front….we also have a squirrel called Squirdel – go us!). She sucks his ears (horrific -we are aware). Now if Rabba gets locked in a hot car for any period of time you will know about it when you re-enter the car. This is the stuff that gas masks were invented for.