Octopus resistant Bikini’s & that episode with the water slide.

 It’s not long now until dreaded bikini season descends upon us. If the mere thought of it sends a cold shiver down your spine, well then please take solace in the fact that you are not alone! Trust me when I say that ALL of us mere mortals have parts of our bodies that need enhancing, minimising, disguising and repairing.

So this is not a post intended to send you into a blind panic but rather a post to highlight some of your options in this department.

Love this – but in practice it’s not as easy to be so confident!

No different to anybody else, I have my ‘issues’. You are not supposed to reveal them in case you draw attention to that area…..but what the hell…..my days of people looking are over! So it’s all about feeling good in yourself.

As self nominated chairwoman of the world famous Itty Bitty Titty Committee, believe me I know all there is to know about padding & insulation!  And no I don’t refer to the hot press of my house! And as my husband would say “that’s some lie you’re telling there”. A lie? No. Just a master of disguise Dear Sir.

This picture is filtered beyond recognition!

As a busy Mum not only do I now need a bikini that looks good but one that also functions appropriately too. One that acts as if it is cemented to my body and can withstand the restraining of a slippery, wet Octopus with kamikaze tendecies in a 12 inches of water in France. Bearing in mind also, that gone are the days when you know no-one abroad. Where we go you are as likely to meet someone from the office at the pool as you are at the water cooler at work. So a quick loss of bikini top……um, no thanks!

Did I ever tell you about the time I CHARGED head first down a MAAAAHOOOOOOOSE waterslide in France on a mat? And about that split second where some stray water hit me square between the eyes, distracted me & in blind panic I just let go of the front of the mat? Despite a momentous recovery manoeuvre by myself, said mat was history, which in itself was not a huge problem as I was on the runway at the end of the slide (you know those ones with no pool at the end? Just an endless slide that allows you to slowly slow to a crawl and jump out intact). 

The problem really lay in the fact that as I was face down, belly pressed into slide, it allowed just enough friction for my bikini bottoms to get caught in one of those awful joins between each piece of slide and remain, well……caught in one of those awful joins between each piece of slide. And I, continued hurtling along the runway at breakneck speed minus my dignity. My only saving grace really was the fact that the offending mat continued along after me and I was able to reclaim at the end, wrap it around me in a towel like fashion & limp, shamed & red-faced back up the runway to be reunited with my bikini bottoms. To this day I’m not sure who was more shocked, the spectators or I?!!!

That was in my pre-children years but the scars remain. So getting back to my original point, functionality is key! The need to do two things – curves where needed & STAY PUT IN A HURRUCANE.

I am happy to spend money on an expensive bikini top but then I balance it out by getting my bottoms in Penneys/Primark & H&M (personal favourites!!) it helps that I like to mismatch styles too though.  My point being, I spend on a problem area & scrimp there where I may not need to as much. Being pregnant this summer has of course thrown the cat amongst the pigeons but needs, must and there are children that need swimming supervision and an endless supply of coverups!

Here are 2 I purchased for this summer from asos

The Roxy one was on sale & the Seafolly one will hopefully stay in my wardrobe until the end of my bikini days!

TK Maxx is usually amazing for SeaFolly finds. I’ve gotton 3 in there in recent years so it’s worth keeping a look out. As a rule though the surfing brands (Roxy, Billabong) tend to stay put as they are designed for activity.

Other than that it is H&M for this year. Here is one I bought recently.
I up a size when I’m pregnant – and usually lash on a pair of shorts when vertical!

And if you are pregnant (like me) you will be well aware that there is a serious shortage of stylish maternity swimwear. Here are a few ideas below – my favourite being the Topshop tanking which I would match with lots of different coloured bottoms from Penneys/Primark etc.


  So hopefully this will give you food for thought! Don’t be afraid of the summer beachwear. There is something for everyone from one pieces, bikinis, tankinis to wraps & Kaftans. 

Just whatever you choose, wear it with confidence!

Yours, cutting up her credit card,
Cli xx


  1. Maud
    May 26, 2015 / 11:45 am

    lol, I am skitting at the slide story!! This is like something that would only happen me!

  2. December 30, 2015 / 10:08 pm

    *wiping away tears from laughing so hard at your waterslide story*

    OMG. You are completely hilarious and I love your fashion sense, too. AND… the “hurricane” is totally the perfect analogy. Cracking me up. 100% the reality at my house, too.

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